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Feb. 22nd, 2007 @ 12:30 pm
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I'm going to try to post on this again. Seriously.
(OK maybe tomorrow) |
This really stoned guy I ran into outside my room just asked me if I would be willing to fight for the revolution. And what would drive me to kill a man.
I told him I would kill for some weed.
He thought it was funny but didn't pick up on my hint.
:( |
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Jul. 22nd, 2006 @ 04:54 pm
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Last night was a lot of fun. Drank too much. Did some other stuff I probably shouldn't have done. But hell, it was my birthday party after all.
Perhaps we should do another one on my real birthday next week.
(hint hint) |
I finished a rough draft of my paper for my research project this week. I think it turned out ok. I definitely could be better written, have more original research, a tighter focus, and a number of other things. But I really don't care anymore. I've begun to loose interest in my own work. I wouldn't say I don't care, but I really don't feel strongly about it going over well at the conference in August. I have to turn in a draft to my adviser tomorrow, and I know he's going to want me to change so much and I just don't want to.
Then on top of that, I have to have a rough draft of my presentation for next Wednesday to another adviser. At least on the up side, I'll be pretty much done with everything next week and have a whole week to practice and polish everything so I don't make a complete ass of myself when I present for real.
The good news is that my birthday is coming up and there's going to be a huge party tomorrow night at my friend Debbie's house. As far as I know, all the people I'm friends with that are living in or around LA right now said they'd stop by. My friends and I still have to collect money for the booze and get everything set up, which is going to be a bitch. Most everyone says they are too busy to do it, or just too lazy. I'm guessing everything will work out ok though. Everything in life seems to work out in an acceptable way at some point or another, this shouldn't be any different. It helps that I have a couple of friends that seem really to care about getting it done. |
the Comic
(38% dark, 30% spontaneous, 47% vulgar) |
your humor style:
VULGAR | COMPLEX | LIGHT
Yours is the most versatile and also the most popular kind of humor. You'll crack a joke about just about anything, but you're not mean-spirited or intimidating, so you can get away with it--even when, for example, you bust on Mexicans.
You appreciate a good dirty joke as much as next person, but, over all, you've got a brainier approach to humor than most. Now just go out there and write up a routine; it's likely you'd be good at it.
PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Dave Chappelle - Rodney Dangerfield
The 3-Variable Funny Test!
- it rules -
If you're interested, try my best friend's best test: The Genghis Khan Genetic Fitness Masterpiece |
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My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
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You scored higher than 26% on darkness |
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You scored higher than 8% on spontaneity |
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You scored higher than 58% on vulgarity |
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| » The 4th and more |
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My fourth of July was alright. Kinda boring. I thought an hour of fireworks would be great, but it really was too much. And very lame.
We did go to the beach that day and party the night before, which was a hell of a lot of fun.
I've been working moderately hard on my research lately and I have a little more defined idea of my paper topic. I'm going to discuss how different types of publications, such as objective journalism, mainstream scientific journals, and eugenics journals, framed and presented Nazi race policy and how they affected public opinion and how it conflicts with American values. It sounds great, though the answers seem vague and distant from where I'm at. I think I'm going to just discuss how each type of media wrote about eugenics and what it meant about their publications in terms of bias, feelings on Nazi eugenics, etc. I don't even really want to use that idea, but my adviser has been very forceful with the idea and turns down my other ideas, thinking they aren't strong or original enough.
I feel like this could really work out well if I put enough work into the next few days, but I have a feeling it's gonna be very difficult to get it to that state. I really just can't wait to get the rest of the research and the first draft done with. I'm growing tired of it and irritated with dead ends, deadlines, and disappointments. I don't think I am the right person to go to grad school, so maybe this was a good thing. An excellent learning experience, so to speak, to learn that this sure as hell isn't my thing.
I've also been drinking a lot lately. Pretty much every night this past week my friends and I have been partying. It's been one of the most fun weeks of my summer, and I've gotten a lot closer to a few people and that's probably the best part of this whole experience.
Jul. 9th, 2006 @ 08:27 pm
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| » (No Subject) |
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So I went clubbing for the first time last night. It was an interesting experience to say the least.
I was hanging out in my room last night and around nine o'clock, one of the RAs in my building along with one of her friends asked me what I was up to that night. I was just watching TV, as they could tell, and they somehow persuaded me to go. I told them I was not a good dancer and that I had never been to a club before, but they still managed to get me to come along.
I was reluctant and didn't know what to expect. But it actually was just like a dance at Oxy, except the music is a little better. I ended up having a good time, but only danced with two other girls than the ones I went with. It was disappointing in that sense because those two girls didn't really want to dance with me and I could tell. That's why Oxy parties are better: you usually know most of the girls in some way, so they are less likely to be bitchy to you.
It was still nice getting out though and trying something different, even if I did strike out.
The past week has definitely been a change of pace from the usual monotony. For example, I went out basically every night from last Thursday to Tuesday, with activities ranging from going to get sushi in Pasadena, mini-golfing in Orange Country, attempting to bowl down the street from my school (We did not end up staying for bowling because of the wait and instead played around in their arcade), a mall and arcade in Burbank, an "authentic" Jewish deli in Studio City, as well as going to a movie and hanging out at my friend Debbie's house a few times. It's been a little bit of drain on my wallet but it isn't hurting me too much as far as savings go (I'm trying to save up enough to buy a car at the end of the summer).
Hopefully things continue to pick up as my last month of summer here progresses.
Jul. 2nd, 2006 @ 01:36 pm
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| » Update |
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I've been pretty busy lately with research, surprisingly enough. I've read thorough about three book the past week and spent the week before that pouring through hundreds of documents held in my library's special collections archive from the personal papers of a eugenicist named Paul Popenoe that attended my college. Most of that research was not fruitful, but it did give me an idea for on a focus for my paper. I plan on analyzing the response of the American media, both mainstream and obscure news organizations, to the Nazi Eugenics movement. So I'm going to be looking at old issues of the NY and LA Times, Newsweek, Time, JAMA, as well as some more obscure publications like the Eugenical News and the Journal of Heredity.
I pitched the idea to my research adviser today and he loved it. He helped me brainstorm a lot of ways to organize the paper and what I could talk about. It was a really good discussion overall and after all we shot the breeze talking about his work and other stuff in his life. Toward the end of our conversation, another professor of mine, the one that got me interested in eugenics in the first place as a topic for a research paper freshman year came into the office. He is taking time off from teaching to do some research himself. It was great seeing him and we talked about what he's been up to as well my project. It was great talking to them and it makes me feel glad that I actually have a strong connection to the faculty here.
I've seen quite a few of my friends lately too. As I mentioned in my last entry, Daniel and Kenny came to visit last weekend and are coming back this weekend to hangout. I went to a Dodgers game with Corey, Debbie, Matt, and Ben Wednesday night. It was a good time, except that the Mariners won. And then last night, Matt, Ben, and I went to go see Nacho Libre. It wasn't that good of a movie, but it was worth it just to get off campus for awhile. The doldrums are starting to kick in and any escape is well welcomed.
Tonight, Daniel, Matt, Debbie, and I plan to go out to some Japanese restaurant in Pasadena and then get drunk. It should be fun. Hopefully I'll get some good stories out of it.
Jun. 23rd, 2006 @ 03:52 pm
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| » Bad Ideas |
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My friends and I thought it would be a good idea to see how lax our campus' policies are during the summer last night. So we drank in my room with the door open. Now I'm on the end of the hallway and no one ever walks down this way, so we figured it would be fine. Plus it was hot as hell last night and we need some air circulation.
No problem until around 1:30 when the campus police strolled by. We were just about out at the time and the night was winding down. We had to pour out all that we had out, (only about two beers in totality). He then asked if we had more. I lied and said no. Bad idea. He made us open my fridge and pour out the remaining drinks. So Daniel and I walked outside and were supposed to pour the drinks out. Instead, we just dropped the beers into the bushes in order to retrieve them in the future. We tried after campus safety left. Good plan, as it would seem, until two campus safety cars roll up and see two guys with a flashlight pretending to talk on their cell phones. That causes some problems as well. I basically just stopped what I was doing and walked around to the door, still fake talking on the phone, and then walked upstairs to hide, leaving Daniel on his own. He handled it fine, though for a bit we thought he might be in some deep shit.
Also, if they ask if you are 21, and you aren't, but say yes, that's another bad idea. You WILL be asked to present your id.
It was a really fun night, but now I'm worried that the combo of all those lies and policy violations will get me another write-up. They didn't physically do one the last time, or even look at my ID, but I ended up getting an email a month later. I have no idea how they got my info. This time it might be easier to bust me, seeing as they could probably just look up the resident based on room number, getting to me.
I'm hoping they are too lazy.
In reality, another write-up probably won't make a difference, and I'm not that worried, but it still bugs the hell out of me.
Jun. 17th, 2006 @ 12:31 pm
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| » Stupid dentists |
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I went to see a dentist last week about getting some "cosmetic" work done on a few teeth of mine. My teeth are really crooked, but it's only really noticeable on one tooth in the front or if you actually look into my mouth for awhile. So basically I wanted to get some veneers(porcelain facings which are bonded directly to teeth that make them look better). The dentist said that to do what I wanted I would need ten of them, which was upsetting because of how expensive they would be. So I toyed with the option of doing some now, some later, or all now and ended up deciding to just get them all done now. She ended up giving me a big price break and my insurance would help out quite a bit too. Everything was set, I signed up for a reasonable payment plan, and set set up an appointment for today to begin some of the initial work for them.
Great, I thought. I'm on my way to fixing my smile and making getting rid of something that has been bothering me for a long time.
Wrong!
So I come in today, and the dentist that does the cosmetic work is actually someone else, not the person who did the consultation on me. He looked at what I wanted done after he examined me and told me he wouldn't do it. It would be too much work and wouldn't do accomplish much, which is the opposite of what the other dentist told me. He said that it was just not a procedure he was comfortable with given my circumstances. He said I should get braces first and then whatever that doesn't fix, the veneers or crowns can take care of the rest.
It's actually nice that he refused on the principle that he didn't think it would be fully effective and not a good use of the money. He could have just done it, taken my money, and said to hell with me. You know, the thing most people would have done to make some money in these greedy piece of shit world. It still sucks though that I can't get the work done. It would really have made me happy.
The whole problem is that I don't want braces. I didn't want them before, and now going into my third year at college, I *definitely* do not want them. But I know when I'm older I will want them even less, if that's possible. I don't know if I can deal with going through the remaining years in college with braces. I have enough trouble socially as it is, I don't want to add the awkwardness of braces into the mix.
I also don't want to do something else I'm going to regret. I see now (and have for the past couple of years) that I should have gotten braces when I was younger. I shouldn't be upset over that; there's nothing I can do to change the past. But I can change the future. The question is, do I want to do this?
Sure you see random people in the early 20s with braces. Hell, I've seen people older with braces. It's still weird/funny/painfully awkward though being that age and having something more common for see 12 year olds. You notice them and think, "What loser has braces when he's THAT age?"
I almost think I would rather deal with having a couple of fucked up teeth. Either that or continue shopping around for more dentists.
Jun. 13th, 2006 @ 06:13 pm
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| » Oh well... |
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I guess I won't be doing any extra work this summer. The school considers my research a "full-time" job so if I want to work anywhere else on campus, I would have to get paid time and a half overtime pay. And no one wants to pay that much more for student work. There goes me making extra money.
Fuckers.
Jun. 6th, 2006 @ 12:39 am
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| » You really do learn something new everyday |
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College is great for learning. Even when school is not in session.
For example, when there is a sign on a door that says do not open, it is best not to open it. If one chooses to disobey said command, a very loud siren might go off and cause much panic and confusion. That and security guards might become riled up.
Also, pushing two twin beds together, while making a bigger bed, does not necessarily create a more spacious dorm room. But a bigger bed can be good for something... wink wink nudge nudge.
Yeah, right. Like I'm gonna make use of it :(
Jun. 4th, 2006 @ 07:11 pm
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| » End of the first week thoughts |
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Research has been coming along nicely. Most of the stuff I've been reading isn't really anything new or exciting, but I've been able to find some new primary sources though the books I've been reading. Hopefully that'll make my paper a lot stronger. I have no idea how I'm going to expand this work to take ten weeks. I've only done 4 hours or so a day of work and I still could probably get this thing done in a month. I just hope I'm not underestimating my expectations of the research program. Everyone else I know who is doing research has spent a hell of a lot more time working then I have. Perhaps we are still all doing about the same amount of work.
I've also been meeting some new people this past week and getting reacquainted with some friends I used to hang out with a lot. Last night I was bored and just randomly ran into a couple of people that go to Oxy visiting other friends in the dorm. So I ended up hanging with them. Nothing wild, just watching South Park and later a movie, but still fun nevertheless. It's been good meeting people on my floor. Hopefully that will open the doors for some more fun later on this summer.
Mirella, Shannon, Marc, Tyler and a few other people I knew freshman year are staying here for the summer and I've been hanging around them a bit. I kinda missed them, but then again, I feel that we just aren't the same people we were two years ago when we first met during O-Week. I haven't hung out with most of them since the spring of Freshman year. I don't exactly know how to describe the feeling, but with all that time and change, I really don't feel that much of a connection to them anymore. So I supposed I didn't miss them, per se, but rather I missed the good times I had freshman year with them. I guess I sometimes feel the need to recapture the memory of a better, more exciting time.
Then I think to myself, were those times really better? While I did grow a lot as a person that first year of college, I still was very much stuck in old ways. Granted, I did change, for better or worse, but I fell into a rut at a point. I didn't try new things socially or academically. I stopped making new friends for awhile and became more antisocial.
For the longest time, I missed my first year. I romanticized it. I've thought about how great things were and how far everything went downhill. I used to pine for the old times and feel like sophomore year was a complete bust. But a certain point I realized that yes, things did change. But not for the worse. I've learned more about myself in the past year than every year before. I'm a wiser, albeit more cynical person than I used to be. I'm less trusting, but maybe that's a good thing. As a result of these things, I also don't build stuff up the way I used to. I try not to internalize too much anymore either. I've often found myself going back to my old philosophy: "Shit happens. Try not to stop in it. And if you do, which is inevitable, clean off your shoes and keep walking."
It's the only way to not get too down in life.
Jun. 3rd, 2006 @ 07:45 pm
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| » Summer at Oxy Begins |
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I ended up getting into LA around midnight on Sunday. As I previously wrote, my flight was delayed. Since it was so late, I was forced to take a taxi to get to Oxy, which was a fucking ripoff. I'm still trying to get Prime Time to refund me, but they are being slow with it, saying when I call that they will call me when my request goes through. Still no word on that.
Most everyone I know got in by Monday evening and it was real nice seeing them again. But being Memorial Day, everything was shut down on campus so there wasn't really anything to do. We all just hung out and went out to dinner.
I started my research (if you could call it that) on Tuesday and it's going well so far. I've probably done about six hours of reading the past two days. Not a whole lot, but I did read one book and get through various sections of other sources I'm guessing will be helpful for my project. I still haven't heard anything from my adviser on what the hell I'm supposed to do, other than read. Oh well. I guess I'll figure it out eventually.
Other than that, there isn't much to speak of. I have a big room and I've finally got it set up the way I like it.
My friend Corey came in this afternoon to hang out. We didn't do anything that special though. He, Matt, Ben, and I just watched the Simpsons, went to dinner together, and hung out in my room a bit working on a puzzle Matt bought of New York City. Exciting stuff, huh? It makes me happy though to be reunited with these people, who I have spent countless hours with over the past two years. Corey lives near LA so he'll probably come to visit fairly often, at least on the weekends.
Tomorrow I have to meet up with an area coordinator for the research program and discuss my project with him. No big deal, but it is a little bit of a hassle to have to answer to yet another boss. Who knows, maybe he will be helpful. We do have group meetings with other students every now and then to discuss our research as well. I have a feeling that is going to suck, but I guess I don't mind putting up with it. We all have to jump through hoops to get by, and if this is what I need to do to make money this summer, so be it.
We'll see how it all goes.
Jun. 1st, 2006 @ 12:05 am
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| » Fuck you United Airlines! |
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So I'm sitting here in Denver International Airport. My flight into Burbank was delayed an hour and twenty minutes and my lay over in this shitty town is fucking up my entire night. I was originally scheduled to arrive at 10 PM, but now won't get in until a little after 11 (or so they say). Not that big of a problem, right?
Oh wait, the fucking piece of shit known as the Burbank Airport, or do they call that fucktard palace Bob Hope Airport now? Whatever...The point is my shuttle service, just as everything else in Fuck Hope Airport closes at 11. So I will be shit out of luck when I get in and have to call for a taxi to come pick me up and waste even more time and money on traveling.
This is the first time I've flown into Burbank and now I regret my actions. This will probably be my last trip flying into Rape-bank. I don't care that it is only 15 minutes away from my school. What self-respecting airport closes down at 11 PM? Especially on Memorial Day Weekend? Suck it, Burbank. Suck it hard.
I also blame United Airlines too. Eat a fat one, United. I'm glad you are having financial services. You guys fucking deserve it. Assbags.
Can you tell I'm frustrated?
So on top of the trouble of finding a way back to Oxy, I have to also get into my dorm. I doubt any RAs will still be waiting to check people in at 11:30 or Midnight. So I will have to call fucking campus safety and also have them unlock my door and unlock the storage room so I can get my stuff to sleep tonight. So much for unpacking and starting to set up my room tonight.
God damn it.
May. 28th, 2006 @ 08:29 pm
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| » (No Subject) |
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I've been in Chicago for about two weeks now. Perhaps two weeks too many. Much has changed with my family and friends. It's not like they are all that different now, but it takes some getting used to.
My mom and dad seem to have grown more depressed. Bored. Lifeless. They don't really do anything but exist. But maybe it's that age. They get up, work, eat, sleep and that's it. It's a shame, but when I think about it, they were always this way, for the most part. My dad's worked 12+ hour days for as long as I can remember. Same with mom.
The troubling thing is that I at least used to be closer to them. Granted for the past few years I would only see them during breaks but at least when I saw them we would talk to each other. Now I go out to dinner with my mother and she stares off into space, in her own world. My attempts at small talk are met only by short, tense responses. She does not even try to make small talk with me. She just sits there coldly, perhaps in anger. Maybe it's just indifference. Or could her emotional distance reflect the physical distance she's experienced while I've been at college. I don't know, but it's fucking pissing me off. I'm sick of trying. My dad is better but he is still a bit off. I'm happy at least he still laughs and makes jokes once in awhile, even if they are some of the worst puns known to man. That and he can at least keep up a conversation.
I saw my brother not too long ago too. Nothing special about it. We had a meal together. It was in the restaurant we used to work at together. Unfortunately our conversations kept on being interrupted by friends and former coworkers. Oh well. I'm sure I'll see him a lot when I get back in August. If I come back.
My friends have been another story all together. I've had a lot of fun seeing my friend Dave again. I really missed our great, albeit strange, conversations and the randomness that encompasses our lives and friendship.
I hung out with Casey, Kevin, and Brian a bit recently too. It was great seeing them, though I feel that we all have started to grow apart. I hadn't seen any of that them much over winter break, so our interactions lately were the first in almost a year. It's the type of thing where you don't exactly always know what to talk about because it's been so long since you *really* spoke to the other person. Things are ok with them though and I'm sure I'll catch up more with them soon enough in August. Again, if I come back.
I keep saying "if I come back." I really don't feel much of a connection to this town anymore. I love LA and my school, even if there is often a lot of hardship. I greatly miss my friends there and all that we do together. I feel like most of them are the close knit family I never really had. Our nightly ritual of meeting each other for dinner is like the family dinners I never had growing up, with my parents always at work, or my brother out with after school activities or hanging out with friends. The icy silence of the past two weeks of meals with my mom and/or dad make me miss those Oxy dinners.
A number of my friends are going to Oxy for the summer for one reason or another, as am I. Some are doing research, others working. But we will be together again, and I cannot express the happiness I feel for that. I feel lost without them around right now. It sounds cliche, but they do complete me, in ways that the people here can't anymore, or perhaps never did. Maybe this is just boredom and desperation talking. Who knows.
But my research fellowship ends in August, as does my room and board for the summer. I wish I had somewhere to go so I could be around Oxy and my friends, but I will probably be back here in Chicago for those three weeks. For better or worse, I'm going to be going through all these feelings with my family and friends once again in not too long.
I guess we will see. I hope to have an eventful summer, or at least as eventful it can be where I have a job that requires me to read and research for hours on end. Granted, I already read a lot as it is, and I choose my own research path, so hopefully everything will be dandy. I really am happy that I'm doing research in lieu of busting my ass waiting tables or doing various other odd jobs around town.
I know I always make the proclamation that I'm going to make keep this journal up to date and I often break that resolution, so I guess I won't promise anything this time around, But I do want to keep track of my life better. I've been holding back posting more personal stuff again, but I'm going to try to end that. That's the only way for me to have honesty in my life, a way to keep my memories from getting lost to time.
I guess I've already begun that today.
May. 26th, 2006 @ 09:43 pm
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| » A bit of comic relief in the midst of extreme stress |
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So I have only one final left, and after a few days of utter hell, I found something that greatly lightened my mood.
It was stolen from a friend's xanga, which he had stolen from a friend's AIM profile:
"A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, 'You're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way.' This is roughly the equivalent for the guy going to a job interview and the company saying, 'You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.' "
So true.
May. 8th, 2006 @ 11:47 pm
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| » Finals suck. |
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Too much work and not enough time to do it. This is the worst part of the end of any semester. Playing a game of catch-up that's more like Russian Roulette.
At least I'll be done by Tuesday night.
May. 5th, 2006 @ 10:02 pm
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| » (No Subject) |
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Alright, so the year is winding down and I have some tough decisions I have to make about next semester. And I hate it. There's too many people wanting to make commitments...too many hands on my time.
And it's not like I *don't* want to do some of the things. Let me give a few examples: The current news editor of my paper wants me to take over next year for him as the editor of the news section (I've written about this before). I'm unsure if I can handle or if I even want the responsibility. He believes in me, so do the other editors. Another example: My German Prof wants me to study abroad in Germany next Spring. I don't really want to go. But I don't know why exactly. I not that confident in my speaking abilities, but he thinks I can get by well enough. I just have no idea why I don't want to. One of my history profs is pushing me to do independent study in some indigenous languages with her and to take Spanish because I've been focusing on Latin American history. I just don't know if I have the time or the abilities to do all of this.
I guess it all comes down to me doubting myself. I lack confidence, obviously. But not all the time. It's just certain endeavors. New stuff and big stuff...I feel overwhelmed. I'm afraid of failure. I had the idea of failing and I hate the feeling accompanied with it even more.
I'm just so unsure of the future. People tell me to just follow my own path and my own heart. But if were up to me, I would do very little. If I didn't have others pushing me to work harder or competition, I would have a hard time to do jack shit. That's problematic, but usually I'm able to motivate myself somehow to keep going. From working my ass off so I could get out of my home to a good college, to now, working my ass off so I can make decent money so I don't ever have to depend on my parents or move back home. Basically everything I do is to spite people or prove people wrong.
I think I have a serious problem.
May. 2nd, 2006 @ 09:06 pm
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| » (No Subject) |
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I don't have much new to say, but I feel I should still keep making regular posts. A sense of normalcy might help me keep things together. Or at least I would like to think so.
I still have no idea what to do about the editorial position for next year and I'm beginning to become anxious about whether my indecisiveness at the time might jeopardize my chances for the job. But whatever...there's still time.
I'm going to be published in Oxy's "official" literary magazine now. The editor liked part of a short story I wrote last December and submitted back in March. There's just one catch: They won't publish anything over a page to a page in a half. So I had to face the difficult dilemma on whether or not I should just withdraw my submission, shorten it severely (It's ten pages long), or pick selections to have published.
I ultimately picked two paragraphs that I loved from it and that I think stand alone really well, though they don't really tell much of a story. I submitted this to the editor this weekend, but have yet to hear back from him. Hopefully it's acceptable.
Other than that, I guess I'm just trying to figure shit out. And it's taking a lot of work.
Apr. 25th, 2006 @ 10:40 pm
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nickvelk's journal